


You don't think I know what you've done (I'm Not The Only One)

by BigGlasses



Category: One Direction (Band), liam payne - Fandom, zayn malik - Fandom, ziam - Fandom
Genre: Affairs, Alcohol, Amazing Song, Angst, Cheating, Confusion, Crying, Hate, I'm not the only one, LISTEN TO IT, Liam's just a really big dick, M/M, Mentions of made up character named Melissa, Not Happy, Not-so-happy ending, Rage, Sad Zayn, Sam Smith - Freeform, Self-Harm, Songfic, Stay in school, That's seriously the first name that popped in to my head when I was writing this, alcohol doesn't solve your problems kids, but they have nothing to do with this story, bye, like now, neither do drugs, ok, slight suicidal thoughts, sort of, texts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2014-09-28
Packaged: 2018-02-19 04:14:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2374118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BigGlasses/pseuds/BigGlasses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn knows that he's not the only one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You don't think I know what you've done (I'm Not The Only One)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again!  
> It's been some time, but I'm back.  
> I really got the inspiration for this from Sam Smith's 'I'm Not The Only One', from the lyrics and video, I'll leave the link.
> 
> I think that this is sort of heartbreaking since I really wanted to write out what Zayn was feeling and how he dealed with the situation. LIam of course, tried to act like the perfect husband, even though he's not.
> 
> (remember to read the tags)
> 
> So really, I hope you enjoy. Leave kudos if you liked it, just to show your support. Comment what you thought about it, feedback is great :D
> 
> If I get a lot of positive reviews, I'll probably write a second part. Happy or sad ending? I don't know, happy endings seem too cliché. You choose.
> 
> Here you go.

 

_**([link](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCkpzqqog4k) to the song)** _

 

* * *

 

_**''You and me, we made a vow** _

_**For better or for worse.** _

_**I can't believe you let me down,** _

_**But the truth is in the way it hurts...''** _

* * *

 

‘’I’ll be back before you know it, babe.’’ Liam assured Zayn as he slipped on his work jacket, looking at himself in the mirror. Zayn was right behind him, sitting on the bed and searching for Liam’s eyes on the mirror.

‘’You never work on Sundays’’ Zayn said with a slight whine, lightly bouncing his leg up and down as he watched his husband put on his watch. ‘’And I thought you said that today was going to be a day for the both of us’’ He got up, placing his hands on Liam’s shoulders, trying to make him look in to his eyes.

‘’I know, Zayn. But I got a call from work, saying that they needed me there as soon as possible’’ He took his hands off his shoulders and held them in his own, making small circles with his thumbs on the back of it. Zayn looked down at his hands, knowing that he shouldn’t stop Liam from going to work, since he was the only one in the house who actually has job. Liam took Zayn’s chin in to his index and thumb fingers. ‘’I promise, when I come back, it’ll just be you and me’’ He gave him that smile, the smile that’ll make any one believe anything he was saying.

Zayn lightly smiled back ‘’Okay’’ He said softly.

Quickly, Liam took Zayn’s head and kissed his forehead. ‘’I’ll be back, love’’

Zayn followed Liam over to the front exit and handed him his keys ‘’Bye, love you’’ He told Liam.

Liam opened the door and stood there in the door way, gave him one last smile before saying ‘’same’’ Then he speed walked over to the car on the driveway. He waved at Zayn and got in to the car.

Zayn smiled, happiness visible in his eyes. He waved back as Liam turned the motor on, pulling the car out of the driveway.

Once he had begun to drive away, leaving the neighborhood, Zayn slowly brought his arm to the side. His happy smile had begun to slowly fade in to a cold, dark look. He quirked his eyebrows up for quick second and clenched his mouth shut, tongue running over his teeth. He let out a small bitter laugh before turning around and slamming the door shut.

 _So stupid_. He had thought, letting out another laugh, filled with mock and bitterness. He walked past the living room, bringing his empty gaze over to the pictures with meaningless smiles. They all meant nothing because it all led to this.

Zayn walked up the stairs and entered his room, the one he shares with Liam. He went through all drawers on the nightstand, harshly pulling items out and throwing them on the floor. He kept the cold look on his face as he searched the last items, but nothing was found.

He got up and scratched his head as he looked around, thinking of any possible hiding places Liam could have.

He entered the bathroom, searching through the cabinets, once again, throwing everything on the ground. He let out a frustrated sigh when nothing was found, only cleaning objects, shaving cream and razors. He closed the cabinets, even though everything that was in there was on the floor.

Zayn exited and looked at the mattress, barely thinking when he brought his skinny arm under it. His face had scrunched up, as he forced himself to lift up the weight of it. Once it was up, he threw in over, falling on to the ground along with pillows, sheets and blankets. He frantically moved the wooden planks around, hoping to see anything important and useful, but nothing was found. He brought his hand up, running his fingers through his hair, with a stressed and pained look on his face. He looked over at the vanity and quickly began to search through the drawers and cabinets. Then he looked inside the closet, digging his hand in to every single pocket, shaking every pair of pants, only finding loose change and garbage.

The room was a complete mess but nothing was found. He figured that there was nothing in the room, so he had decided to search Liam’s office. Once again, nothing was found, he had only made a mess. He tried to log in to his computer, but he couldn’t figure out the damn password.

He went downstairs, pulling out all the cushions on the sofa and moving it around. He did the same with the chairs and table. Nothing was found and that made him pull on to his hair. He let out frustrated and tired huffs and his spun around in circles, figuring out what to do next.

Zayn made his way to the kitchen, opening every cabinet, throwing the pots and pans on to the floor. He might have broken a few of the plates, but that was the least of his worries. With his hair in a mess and frustrated tears running down his cheeks, he finally had climbed on to the counter, pushing past ingredients and bottles of liquid. With a shaky sigh, he finally pulled out what he was looking for. A small noise of victory escaped his mouth as he climbed down the counter, with the object in his hands.

He should’ve known; Liam hid that in the place where Zayn could never reach on his own: the top cabinet, behind everything in it.

Zayn held the cell phone he had never seen before in his life in his trembling hands. He walked past the whole living room that was now made a mess. He sat down on the stairs, the only real place in the house that wasn’t disorganized.

He turned on the phone, watching the screen light up. He quickly entered ‘messages’, immediately finding what he has been longing to see.

A sext.

He shook his head, smiling, but it was one filled with pain. He let out another bitter laugh, a bit louder than the others. He felt tears stream down his red cheeks, the feeling inside him hurting everything he could possibly have.

He scrolled down the messages, one by one, each hurting his heart, pulling out a big chunk of it.

Liam had never called him beautiful in _that_ way, nor has he expressed himself like that to Zayn in a long time.

_‘I just feel like I can tell you anything_

Zayn bit down on to his trembling bottom lip as he squeezed the phone in to his hands, daring to go even further in to the conversation. Pictures were sent, things were said, and feelings were exchanged. Things Liam had never bothered to tell Zayn. Why wasn’t Liam telling these things to Zayn? Was he not good enough? Had he done something wrong?

 _‘You’re not like the others, you’re special_ ’

What was so special about her? She had ruined their marriage, seduces Liam and made Zayn’s heart break. It was all her fault, she ruined Zayn’s only bit of happiness. He should of seen it before; Liam’s surrounded by beautiful women at work and at business trips, it wasn’t too hard for him to find a lover that will take Zayn’s place.

 _‘I’m not married, nor have I ever been_ ’

Zayn felt his teeth clatter, because he was clenching his jaw too tight. Not was he only lying to Zayn, but so to her. Liam couldn’t completely please someone if he tried.

 _‘You do things to me_ ’

He shivered at the times Liam had lied him down, probably after he had been _in_ her. He felt bile rise up in his throat at the thought of him bringing her to _their_ house, lying her down on _their_ bed. Liam was truly disgusting.

_‘I love you’_

Knowing that this was coming from Liam and that he wasn’t saying this to Zayn, made his blood boil. His sad tears had soon turned in to angry ones, the forced smile he had on was replaced by a wicked and revengeful one. This wasn’t fair, this wasn’t fair at all. Why should he let himself be played around by Liam?

He threw the phone down on to the ground, watching it break in to pieces. Liam could buy a new one if he wanted too, it’s not like he wouldn’t. Zayn dug his hands in to his face, resting his elbows on his knees. He heard the shaking sobs escape his lips, frightening himself because they didn’t even sound human like. He tugged on to his hair and dug his nails in to his arms, wishing that they were Liam’s, wishing that he felt the pain he was going through right now. The blood oozed out of his arm, out from the marks he had made on himself. He had made them un-purposely, accidently letting his anger out on his own body.

He couldn’t believe that this was _his_ Liam, the one that had vowed to love him forever with no excuses. And there he was; having an affair with some slut named Melissa.

And he wonders: Would Liam even care if Zayn knew about this? Would he beg for him to come back, to forgive him? Zayn doubted it; If Liam really did love him, he wouldn't have gone out with someone else. Leaving Zayn behind, clueless and stupid-looking.  _Never again_  Zayn thought. Never again would this happen, he won't be played and cheated on by the person he thought that loved him as much as he loved Liam. It hurt more because he actually thought Liam really did feel love for him, the times that he had told that he was his  _one and only_  were just simple lies, simple lies that made Zayn stay, thinking that he was truly loved by him.

He felt so unloved, so cold, so  _alone_. He never thought that Liam could do such a thing, after all they've been through: First times, marriage, secrets, fears, laughs, love that was cleary visible between the two. But that love was just a simple ilusion, it had fooled all, friends, family, strangers on the street, even Zayn.

 _Foolish_  Zayn said softly, only loud enough for him to hear. Was he not worthy of Liam's love? Or was he not worthy of anyone's love? So many thoughts ran through his head, doubts and questions, making him so confused. He hated this; he hated this feeling, this situation. He hated Liam for what he's done to him, he hated Liam's lover, and he hated himself for being so  _silly._ _Silly, foolish, stupid_ and _naive._

He stood up, wiping away his tears with his forearm as he made his way over to the wired phone in the kitchen. He harshly pressed Liam’s work number, waiting for someone to pick up. Once they had, they falsely greeted him mentioning the company’s name.

‘’Is Liam Payne there?’’ He sniffed, not even bothering to pretend that nothing had happened.

‘’No, he doesn’t work on Sundays’’ And that was all Zayn needed to hear before slamming the phone.

* * *

 

_** ‘’For months on end, I’ve had my doubts ** _

_** Denying every tear ** _

_** I wish this could be over now ** _

_** But I know that I still need you here...’’ ** _

* * *

 

 _This can’t be happening_. Zayn thought as he pulled out a bottle of vodka from the refrigerator, popping the cap open. This bottle was made for celebrating, especially with Liam. But right now this was no celebration, Zayn took a large gulp of it down his throat, feeling that his vision had gone blurry because of the mixture of tears and alcohol. He blinked and tried to ignore the fact that he was probably getting pathetically drunk tonight.

He made a face at the sour taste of the drink, but still gulped more down. He stomped over to the messy living room, grabbing the first frame he saw, smashing it on to the ground. He put the bottle down and grabbed the picture surrounded by broken glass. He analyzed it, looking at his and Liam’s happy smiles. Zayn smiled back, but his smile was pained and wicked. ‘’I still need you’’ He said before ripping the photo straight down the middle, Zayn on one half and Liam on the other. ‘’I still _fucking_ need you!’’ He yelled down at Liam’s half, ripping it in various directions before it was made in to shreds. He then grabbed the half he was on and tore in half, again. ‘’Stupid, stupid, stupid’’ He muttered as he continued tearing it.

After he had left a small pile of a ripped photo on the ground, he grabbed his bottle of vodka again and gulped down a large amount of it. He felt his body slowly beginning to loosen up, he wiped the drink that ran down the corners of his mouth with the back of his hand. He ran up the stairs, tripping a few times on the steps.

He entered his office once again, slamming the bottle down on the desk as he sat down. Once the computer was on, it demanded a password. Zayn harshly typed ‘Melissa’ with his shaking fingers. The computer quickly accepted it, taking him to the home page. Before Zayn even knew it; he had the monitor in his hands as he threw it out the window. It hit the ground with a crash, breaking to pieces. He held the heavy computer in his hands, knowing that it would cost Liam’s job, he pushed it out the window, breaking right next to the monitor. Spitting at it right after. He had a brief thought about jumping out right after it, but he wasn’t going to end himself just because Liam had decided that he wasn’t good enough for him.

He should’ve noticed Liam being distant these past months, how could he have been that stupid? He didn’t even noticed it, until the thought had popped in to his mind right after he had drove away in his car, an abnormal bright smile on his face. Liam wasn’t acting like Liam, there was something strange and distant about him that just made Zayn wonder.

He quickly pulled out his phone, speed dialing Liam, but was immediately brought to voicemail. He wanted to spill his whole guts to Liam, telling him how much of a bastard he was. Once it had beeped, Zayn began to speak: ‘’Hey, Liam’’ He sniffed ‘’by the time you’re probably hearing this’’’ He began ‘’you’ve already fucked that whore you’re with’’ He lightly chuckles ‘’I can’t believe she doesn’t know you’re married to a guy, by the time she finds out she’ll be gone and far away from you.’’ He takes a gulp of his vodka ‘’and I fucking hope she realizes that you’re a sick, horrible, heartbreaking bastard that let this happen to a perfectly fine marriage. I don’t know how I didn’t see this, you’ve been so distant and…’’ He blinks a few times, not letting the tears go down his cheeks ‘’I thought you actually loved me’’ His voice cracks ‘’I thought that when you told me you did, you actually meant it’’ Zayn wipes his wet eyes before ending the message with: ‘’But by the time you hear this, I hope you know that I’ve never hated and loved someone as much as you’’ He hung up and threw the phone on to the ground. He began to hiccup, but he drowned it out with his drink.

He exited Liam’s office with the bottle in his hands; his only companion in this situation.

 

* * *

 

_** ‘’You’ve been so unavailable,  ** _

_** Now sadly I know why ** _

_** Your heart is unobtainable, ** _

_** Even though Lord knows, you have mine…’’ ** _

* * *

****

Gulp after gulp, Zayn felt his vision go blurrier. His sad and pitiful smile had turned in to a tipsy one. He tried to stand up straight as he entered his bed room, looking around, searching for something to kill time until Liam came back from work. The sun was still out, but it wasn’t long until it set. Zayn chuckled at himself, finding it silly that he was getting drunk right in the middle of the afternoon.

He looked over at the mirror, his skinny body standing in front of him. He seemed scrawnier, weaker than usual. There were dried tears on his cheeks; his hair was a total mess from all the pulling. He had noticed that he was wearing one of Liam’s shirts, which was much too big for him. He wanted to pull it off and throw it away, but he enjoyed the empty feeling of having Liam’s scent on him. He tugged on the corners of the shirt, scrunching it up in his hand as he felt his head fall back un-purposely. He let out a worn-out moan, he felt more weight on his shoulders as he looked at himself one more time in the mirror; he was a complete mess.

He felt his heart break thinking that Liam was out there, having fun with Melissa. While he stood there in front of a mirror, wondering where he had gone wrong, why it had all lead to this.

He closed his eyes and imagined him running his hands up and down her body, the way he usually would with Zayn. Kissing up and down her neck and chest, saying things in her ear that he has probably never said to Zayn. Removing every article of her clothing as Zayn stood there alone at home with nothing he can do about it.

Liam was probably doing all of that with Zayn’s heart in his hands. Making love to her while he still had control of Zayn. He wrapped his arms around himself letting a sob of heartbreak escape his lips. Why would he do such a thing to him? Why would he tell him he loves him even when he's out with someone else?

He took a glance at the wedding ring he had on his finger, which meant absolutely nothing now. He pulled it out and examined it, though his vision was dangerously blurry. He didn’t need to see to remember what it has carved on to it.

_Forever will be loved_

And right now, Zayn didn’t feel loved, nor will he be loved forever by Liam, the man that had placed the ring on their wedding day. With a bright smile on his face as he repeated the priest’s words.

 ‘’ _Till death do us apart_ ’’

He had lied, death wasn’t doing them apart, maybe the death of his love, but Zayn is still here on this earth and so is Liam. So why is he doing them apart because of an affair? It wasn’t fair at all, Zayn gave Liam his everything but he gave nothing back, just words with no meanings.

He scrunched his nose up in disgust, before throwing the ring at the mirror. The small, yet hard object made a nice web in the middle of the mirror, small bits falling out and on to the floor. Zayn took a look at his deformed figure on the mirror, his tears not so noticeable. He wiped them off his cheeks and stood not-so-proudly, before walking away.

 

* * *

 

_** ‘’I have loved you for many years ** _

_** But maybe I am just not enough ** _

_** You made me realize my deepest fears ** _

_** By lying and tearing us up…’’ ** _

* * *

****

Zayn made his way in to the closet, where one half was filled with Liam’s clothes. Zayn slowly made his way in to the other end of the closet, where Liam’s tux, the one that he had used at their wedding, is. He dug his nose in to the material, inhaling the lovely scent of men’s perfume and flowers.

He took it down from hanger it was on and hugged it in his arms. He kept his mouth shut as he closed his eyes, tears flowing down his cheeks and on to the tux. He let out a shaky sigh before breaking in to quiet sobs.

He placed the almost-empty bottle of vodka on the ground, grabbing a handful of Liam’s suits and shirts in to his arms, all smelling like Liam. He grabbed a lot, but not all.

He stumbled out of the closet, walking over to the window. He placed the clothing on to the ground, opening the window. The sun was just about to set, meaning that Liam would come back in just a few hours. He huffed before grabbing as many suits his hands could before throwing them out the window, falling near the computer and monitor. The last one was the wedding tux; Zayn took a good look at it before ripping it, though it was hard, he had managed to obtain one piece of cloth. He stuffed it in to his pocket before he threw the tux out the window. He looked at all of the items on the backyard, smirking at the idea that had just entered his brain.

He was now outside, at the backyard, holding a liter of gasoline and a lighter in his hand and his bottle of vodka in the other.

He was probably going mental, but that was the least of his problems. He angrily opened the top of the liter of gasoline and began to spill it all over the pile of clothing and computer parts. He took a quick sip of his vodka, knowing that it was almost empty. He had a blank expression on his face as he lit the lighter; he took one last look at Liam’s clothing covered in dirt, grass and gasoline, before throwing the lighter in the pile. The flame had begun to have a life of its own as it consumed the pile. The fire was quite large, but not big enough to light the house on fire.

The flame reflected on Zayn’s pained and revengeful eyes, a wicked smirk on his lips as he brought the vodka to his mouth. He took one last sip before throwing the rest in to the fire, watching it dance and gracefully moving around the pile, turning the clothing in to a coal black color.

‘’ _You say I’m crazy_ ’’ He sang softly, small tears going down his cheeks, but he swore this was the last time he would cry for something as meaningless as this. _‘’´Cause you don’t think I know what you’ve done_ ’’ He took one last look at the empty bottle, his only companion _‘’But when you call me ‘baby’,’’_ He looked at the fire, throwing the bottle in it, flames rising.

_‘’I know I’m not the only one’’_

 

* * *

 

_** ‘’You say I’m crazy ** _

_** ´Cause you don’t think I know what you’ve done. ** _

_** But when you call me baby ** _

_** I know I’m not the only one…’’ ** _

* * *

****

 

There was a knock on the door, Zayn quickly ran over to open it. Once it had swung open, Zayn was welcomed by Liam’s sweet smile. Zayn immediately wrapped his arms around his neck and Liam wrapped his around Zayn’s waist.

Zayn snuggled in to his neck, smelling the scent of woman’s perfume, but he ignored that ‘’I’ve missed you’’ He said softly, barely just enough for Liam to hear him.

‘’Yeah, me too’’ He lied.

Zayn bit his lip, remembering that he had been having fun with a woman as he stayed here alone crying and suffering. But once again, he ignored that fact.

Liam kissed the top of his head, muttering in his hair ‘’How about we spend some time together, like you wanted to this morning?’’ He suggested.

Zayn wanted to say no and punch his beautiful face. But he loved him too much to do that. Even if Liam had made him cry and suffer, he knew that deep down inside he still adored him. Maybe it was his smile, or laugh, or the way he holds Zayn. But he knows that it’s not healthy for him.

Though Liam probably just wanted to bring him up to bed just to satisfy his needs, not to actually make Zayn feel loved, he still nodded. He wanted to be with him one last time. He had quickly organized the house; shoving things back in to place and in to the closet, under the bed and other places were Liam wouldn’t suspect that Zayn had gone out on a full hysteric and sadistic rampage, just until it’s time for Liam to reveal the truth.

Liam probably hadn’t even heard his voicemail; he probably hasn’t even checked his phone. But by the time he does, he’ll find out that the computer is missing, that the majority of his clothing is gone, that there’s a pile of ashes outside in the back yard. There’ll be a fight, harsh words being thrown and possible shoves. Liam will be surprised when Zayn tells him that he knows about the affair, so surprised that he won’t admit it. He’ll just pack up the few clothing he has left and leaves, leaving Zayn behind, like he should’ve done a long time ago.

But Zayn won’t cry this time. He won’t do this again; he won’t ruin himself over something so meaningless. He's worth more than that, he doesn’t need Liam, he doesn’t need this because it’s just hurting him. But Zayn won’t cry, never will he again.

  _Because he knows he’s not the only one._


End file.
